I hardly had time to apply fake tan before my parcel arrived. And neither did I need to, since it was Skin Kiss Fake Tan Tights that I had ordered online and that had arrived a day and a half later! Just as well, since my plans of tanning in the park over the Queen’s Jubilee Weekend were annulled with the loyalty of English weather. Needless to say, I gave up messy fake tan years ago! I found that no matter what the product claimed it always turned out to be patchy, orange and messy. I’m also a sceptic. I have trouble believing a pair of 8 denier tights is going to leave me with lusciously brown shanks. Nevertheless, I wanted to give it ago, and here’s what happened.
The minute I opened the packet I got a pertinent question in my head. Knickers or no? Well, NORMALLY I wouldn’t wear knickers so I’ll wear the tights just like I normally would – without knickers. Besides, I wouldn’t have minded getting a tanned bum; it could be handy for shapely swimwear when you’re just not sure exactly where the seam will meet the skin.
Okay, so the instructions said to put them on, massage into the legs and leave for 10 minutes. So that’s exactly what I did (except for areas of the unmentionables). The pack came with a pair of gloves to avoid staining on hands. The stockings were wet too – I guess they must have had some kind of magic potion in them.
Well it had been 2 hours and the pack says ‘Gives legs a tanned look in under 2 hours’. The only look I was getting was the annoyed look on my face. I’d arranged to go for a bike ride around the city for the Queen’s Jubilee and was hoping to wear some shorts that would show off my tanned legs. I wore my jeans instead, as there was definitely not even a hint of tan.
As soon as I got home from my day out I ripped off my jeans to my boyfriend’s momentary surprised delight, then disappointment. It was in anticipation of my tan that I so eagerly peeled off: a tan which should have definitely developed by now. After close inspection, I noticed a tan on my feet and a few streaks on my shins and legs. But most obvious were the brown streaks around my waist where the seam of the tights met the skin.
Tan Lines on Tummy
So would I buy Skin Kiss Fake Tan Tights for £9.99 again? No. I think they have potential though, because obviously I got streaks in some places. I was right to be a sceptic; I should have brought out the old traditional fake tan, as I needed it after all.
Philippa Morton is a journalist, restaurant critic and entertainment writer living in London. Her portfolio expands to dating and relationships, Breaking Up With Brilliance, and education. Follow her on twitter @philippamorton